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[Fri 11 May @ 4:59pm] |
[Hexed Against Laney]
It’s funny to think that people respect Healers so much. I’m not saying that I think I’m respectable, but I’ve heard it more than once that Healers are impressive people. In all honesty we are just the same as everyone else. Just like a Quidditch player may be famous in the sports world, and be on the front page, and they are important to their fans; or just like a reporter is important to the fans that want the news about their favourite people or the gossip that’s being spread through the country, all professions are really the same.
I was in a room with a couple the other day, delivering their baby and I started to think to myself a bit too much. I watched these people in the middle of their personal wonders, imagining for themselves the pure, unique once-in-a-lifetime experience, and only an hour or two later I would end up watching the same thing. What they were looking at as a miracle I was looking at as my whole day. And it sounds rather harsh now, but when you think about it… it’s true. It’s my job, and as my job it’s my duty to fulfill it to the best of my abilities. A Quidditch player has to score, defend, or catch the Snitch in order for the manager to think that they are still worth keeping around, and as Healers we do the same thing. We are doing this because we get paid for it and we need money to survive. That was the main focus in my thoughts.
I don’t know how many times someone has looked up at me amazed at what wound I just healed. They may have sliced their arm open, or it could have been as extreme as their ribs crushing their lungs and causing internal bleeding, but you always get this certain look as a Healer; a look that says thank you on so many different accounts. And the more I thought about that specific look I started to look at the whole situation differently. I don’t go to work because I need the money. I go to work because I want to be there, and I want to have someone look at me like that. With anyone, you would think that they would only do their job if they truly enjoyed doing it, and I finally realized that all of those hours that I am notorious for spending at Mungo’s weren’t such a waste of time. I wanted to be there because I wanted to help people. I think that some of the Employees look at me as crazy because I am always there, and I think that they feel like I am because I want to make sure things are done right, but really it has nothing to do with that. It has to do with the fact that by being there, there is a chance that one more life can be saved.
If I didn’t go to work one day and someone critical happened, I can’t imagine how crushing that would be. Along with the look you get from the healed patient, you get the look from whoever is with them when they come; and that look is nearly heartbreaking every time. A little girl comes in with her Mum and she’s badly hurt and the hardest thing to handle is the sobbing mother, not the wound itself. If I could open my mind up and look inside I’m almost afraid to know what I would find. I’ve been known throughout the years to have quite the photographic memory, and I wonder if somewhere in my mind I’ve stashed away a picture of the face of each patient; but not only the patient, but the family member, friend, or partner that came in with them. So it all comes down to me worrying that something huge is going to happen, and I’m not only going to disappoint my co-workers and the patients for not being there, but I’m going to disappoint their loved ones that could possibly lose that person because someone else couldn’t think of something that maybe I could have thought of.
I’m probably reading way too deep into this, but I felt selfish for thinking that peoples’ miracles were just a few hours of my day; when really, they mean everything to me. I’ve never complained about my job, even though at times I felt I had the right to. It’s not every day that the responsibility of running a hospital is dropped upon the shoulders twenty-something year old. Sure, I could have said no to the offer, but I took it because I saw it as a chance to help things run better. People thought I was crazy for accepting it, especially my mates, but now I’ve finally figured out why there were so many times that I worked rather than spent a night out. It all goes back to that day in Hogwarts when we had to talk to our Head of Houses and discuss what we wanted to do after Hogwarts. Maybe my fifteen year old self didn’t realize it then, but I was smarter than I thought. I had no idea what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, and I even remember that faint hint of disappointment on Professor Snape’s face when I responded that I had no idea. It’s funny though, I walked out of his office still pondering that very question, and when I reached the library and the most innocent, frailest, perfect person I’ve ever known came walking out, I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I didn’t know it then, but I was so smart to read into people deeper than just taking their words and judging them that way. Rather than taking her as a hassle and just a Ravenclaw I let her in on my deepest thoughts and feelings, and she did the same for me.
I’ve heard people talk about how there was one person that changed their life, and while I am a listener that ponders and reflects on what was said, I never believed that. I always thought that you had your friends and the people that just don’t get along with you, but I’ve just had one of my smart moments. Because my last journal entry led me from thinking that I was growing tired of my job to realizing that the person that has changed my life forever was there the entire time. She was right in front of my face for ten years, and it took that long for me to really appreciate her. To realize that there was a reason behind my protectiveness and helpfulness toward her. I always thought, well hey, we’ve got quite the friendship here, but it took so long to realize that I met the love of my life when she was only twelve years old.
Crazy how the mind works, leading you from one thing to another.
[/Hexed Against Laney]
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